I'd like to know what people think of my poem, please.?

SKIPPING STONES ON BOLAM LAKE








The shoreline, rhododendron draped, as


Bridesmaids at the wedding of elements,


Their blooms reflected glory


Purple-fractured in the ripples.


And in the margins, where earth and water kiss,


Sticklebacks stage their battles


With the minnows for the safety of the shadows.





Stooping, I scrape,


Amongst the shale and slate


To choose a stone Whose elliptical form


Will fly


And trick the eye to perceive


That nature’s law can be deceived


By surface tensions’ sleight of hand.





So I cock my arm, horizontal, wrist relaxed,


And release…


And count…


And watch as the echoes--the reminders of things just passed


Concentric circles of memory lap


The waters muddy edge,


And caress the rhododendron roots,


And fade, or cast themselves ashore to die,


Until water only ruffled by


The gentle breeze remains.








Thats funny, they took out the word 'c o c k' I can see why, but you can obviously see the meaning I had intended here.

I'd like to know what people think of my poem, please.?
I have to read this stuff for a living and the truth is that this is cr.p. Throw it in the bin and do something else. you will never be what you think you are. Some people can write two words and I can see they are good and I pass them on and others could write a book and they are rubbish. Nobody else is going to tell you the truth but believe me you just hav.nt got it.
Reply:i like it its very poetic i need a best anwser so can you
Reply:shi te!! plus its crap!!!!
Reply:Nice - very deep
Reply:It's almost professional.





Almost because:


1) you could use words with some relevant sounds in your poem e.g. shackle (the sound when it hits other stones with other implied meaning), flop ('blop' but you have more use with 'flop')


2) could do something with the 'echo' in the last verse e.g. rhododendron could be repeated in an echo-ey type of way


3) could do something with 'memory' in the last verse - what memories are they?


4) 'to die' in the last verse could related to 'is born' somewhere earlier in the verse?





but from what you've done so far, it's good enough to be published along with a collection of great poetry
Reply:Sorry, but I'm not very impressed with it.


And before you moan, NO I could not do any better
Reply:I liked it.. two notes though... do rhododendrons grow near water specifically? Secondly I know its meant to rhyme but the since the rest of the poem doesn't i'd replace the word decieved for defied. "That nature’s law can be defied"
Reply:interesting if a little juvenile but dont stop writing its what you think not other people
Reply:Superb, much better than Andrew Motion! Keep doing it.
Reply:Pass the razor blade plz
Reply:Better than I expected
Reply:cool i like it
Reply:Nice, very nice.
Reply:great poem! good use of bigger words, which gives it alote more meaning, very deep! 9/12 out of 10!!
Reply:I like it..I give it a thumbs-up!
Reply:don,t give up your day job